Joke of the day, A place to put your favorite Joke -

johnno

THIS IS A VERY VERY TRUE, AND LITTLE KNOWN HEALTH FACT!!!!!!
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects
the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is
responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. If you don't
believe it, try to pull a hair from your bum and see if it doesn't bring
tears to your eyes. Embarassed

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Arent...

1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it! Twisted Evil

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

DOCTOR'S VISIT

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you
won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked.
Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession.. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.;
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,
Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'. Embarassed

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

GENTLE Thoughts for Today -
Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then shit on your car.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement ..
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. . . .. . . AMEN!
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

CATHOLIC HORSES
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch
noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the
horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old
priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate
the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again,
even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would
bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won.

Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and
each one ended up coming in first.

By and by, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest
dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings,
and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the
forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the
priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched
dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way
down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?
All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed
lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you
Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.' Embarassed

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so
he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The
officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell
me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all
the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got
older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college,
medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was
Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I
decided to go back to school... Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through
school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored
doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she
gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA
found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling,
MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my MD because
of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing..

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner,
Prince Charles realised she'd bark her Â£150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:
"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!" Embarassed

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

CATHOLICS ARE NON BELIEVERS

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE.
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER COIN IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, AND YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE.'
THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER COIN IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A VIOLIN.'
THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG - I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A MAN CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS VIOLIN CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.
WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE MAN'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE VIOLIN, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER COIN, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG , YOU ARE GOING TO MELBOURNE AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER COIN AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 70KG, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND stuffed AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO MELBOURNE.' Embarassed

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...
How soon can I go home?'
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

Nun Grading Papers
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

I have just had a call from a Charity, asking me to donate some of my clothes to starving Africans.

I told them to %@# off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes is not starving!! Evil or Very Mad

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint
when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,
'FAAAAAARK..!!!!! dude... How much water did you drink!?' Surprised

_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

johnno

The Flight

His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is. .. you're NOT my flight instructor?' Surprised

Live, Laugh & Love...
_________________
Joined Jan 1961 R57565. (paid off May1964 unwillingly)
Ships - Cerberus, Albatross, Anzac, Albatross, Kimbla, Albatross

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